I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
