I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
