My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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