I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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