mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
