I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
