So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
