Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
