people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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