hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
