i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
