You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
