so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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