He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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