Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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