then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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