He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
As shirtless as possible
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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