I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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