when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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