Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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