my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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