Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
