we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it's like iHOP with fire
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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