She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
