I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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