I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
