Ambien. No doubt about it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
