All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
