maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
