i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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