he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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