I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
