i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
