that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
