Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
