Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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