meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
