Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
