You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
