Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
