You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
