Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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