Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
