Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
