Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
