You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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