I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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