Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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