had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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