My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
