Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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