the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
