fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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