this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
