Me too!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
