it was like fucking gandolphs beard
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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