New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
