update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
