Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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