woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
