Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
