Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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