he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
