He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
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Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
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Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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