i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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