I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
