so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
