when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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