They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
