so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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