Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
