I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
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You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
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I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
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