the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
