At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
