I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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